Posted in Daily life, Psychology, Relations

Water, tea, juice or coffee?

Hello friends!

All of us at least once per life had these heart to heart talks at the kitchen.

Lately I was playing the role of that shoulder to cry on. My friend was asking me an love advice about her boyfriend, who not paying her much attention.

And yes, I had a good answer to stop her tears. Want to share this answer with you as it is – in form of parable.

Just imagine, you are lost at foreign city, you are trying to find the way back to hotel (no maps or mobile device for this, sorry), weather is terrible… Finally you are feeling so exhausted and thirsty, that entering random seems to be cozy cafe on your way. You are asking about glass of water, but this is special cafe – they don’t have water, juice, tea, only coffee….

But you don’t like coffee, actually, you feel terrible after drinking it – insomnia, fast heartbeating, blood pressure goes up…. So you understand the consequenses, right?

But you feel so exhausted, you don’t want to go out in that crazy weather and search for other cafe with your favourite tea, you feel that you couldn’t make any step and agreed for coffee… Yes, you have brief few minutes relief drinking hot tasty coffee.  And have this all – blood pressure, heart beating, insomnia… Who forced you? No one.

Lesson: the so with love, you shouldn’t turn your need for love into the thirst for love. 

If you sees person mistreat you time after time, you know the consequenses, right?

So, go out and got yourself desirable jinger tea!

But you must choose that scary uncertainty.  Because everything have it’s price. Difference only: now you are paying your tears for shit, when better pay with your smiled eyes for love.

 

кофе

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Posted in Psychology, Relations

Tell this to him and make him happy!

In everyday life we often forget that relationship needs support and attention. It is important to constantly confirm your relevance and partner attachment. These phrases will help you to improve relations with the beloved!

I would like to spend time with you!

Perhaps you have today an important business meeting, which you can not cancel. Did you go in the evening on the parents’ meeting or to relatives. Even if you do not spend the evening with husband, tell him that phrase!

Thank you for your call!

Yes, you think that he is obliged during the day to call you a couple of times, or send you a message. But who among us loves their obligations? But when you express gratitude to him for such a small sign of attention, he will be happy to call you in the future.

What pleased you today?

If you use this phrase instead of the usual words: “How are you?”, You will hear not a standard “all right”, and a more detailed response. This phrase you show that you are really interested in his case. In addition, you can help your husband to focus on the positive, which is always there, even in the most difficult situation.

Let me help you to find it!

You know very well that men often lose their socks in the house, charging for phone, pens and notepads. Instead of usual reproach him for distraction (which, incidentally, does not help him to become more attentive), offer your help! He will thank you for the indulgence of his little weaknesses.

Help me to understand!

No one can be an expert in all areas, and you – not an exception. But it’s nice when your husband feel like a man who is able to save his woman out of trouble, even such tiny as correct filling receipts, translation from English catchy phrases or the development of the operating principle of the new blender.

I’ve always sleeps better when you’re around!

You can wake up five times a night because of snoring or the faithful from time to time during the night to take away from him his part of the blanket in which he tries to wrap himself completely. Yet the fact that of all the men you have chosen him, so close to him to fall asleep and wake up, it means a lot!

 

Make him happy

 

Posted in Psychology, Relations

Polar bear effect

To the history of the world’s psychology polar bear came through Russian classics Leo Tolstoy – or rather, his elder brother. The future writer lived with his brothers at Yasnaya Polyana. There’s the boy created a secret “aunts brotherhood”, one of whose objectives was to do so, “so that people did not know any misfortunes, never quarreled, and do not be angry, and would be constantly happy.” To achieve the goal it was necessary every day to carry out certain tasks, the most difficult of which invented the eldest brother, Nicholas. He decided that for the happiness we must stay in a corner and did not think about a white bear. “I remember … I tried, but could not help but think of a white bear …” – write many years later Leo Tolstoy in “Memoirs.”

Much later, in the 80s, the story caught the attention of the American social psychologist Daniel Wegner. He gave the same task to the students. Despite clear instructions, participants of experiment not just barely suppressed thoughts of the forbidden white bear: his image pop up in their mind with obsessive frequency.”The effect of the polar bear” (also called “boomerang effect” and “effect of ironic process”) is perfectly applicable to human relations. After parting with a person important to you, we make a conscious decision to avoid thinking about him (her). But in the end we are more hung up on him.

Posted in Psychology, Relations

Fault in our stars

It all starts with the myth that the meeting is not accidental, as ordained by fate. People are surprisingly romantic – they easily create what is called “the myth of destiny.” We are all looking for a symbolic coincidence, proving that our meeting was a foregone conclusion. After the fact, we see in this the hand of fate …

This is a necessary fiction, which gives deeper meaning to the existence of a couple. Here we are in the power of magical thinking, in the irrational and poetic. We believe in this myth, which does not recognize as a myth, otherwise we would have ceased to believe in it!

Myth exalts the meeting, making it a miracle. This is the first pillar of the common faith of partners when the relationship is still only added up. If you did not have this fundamental myth from the beginning – for example, if the two become a couple because the woman has become pregnant, or when one of the two cannot choose between several “contenders” – pair becomes functional community of two people, no more.

 

feelings

Posted in Art, Psychology, Steps of the artist

Creativity Test

Most of the great discoveries – the result of trial and error. But we do not think about it, because we are convinced that only a select few are able to think creatively and invent something incredible. This is not true. Heuristics – the science that studies the processes of creative thinking – has proven that there is a universal recipe for solving non-standard tasks.

Let’s just check to see how creative you thought.

Do not hesitate and quickly name the poet, part of the body and fruit. Only then read on. In my case answers were: Ahmatova, hand, pineapple.

***

Most Russians will remember Pushkin or Esenin, nose or mouth, an apple or an orange. This is due to a common cultural code. If you did not mention any of the answers, congratulations: you are a creative person. If the answers match, do not despair – you can develop the creative abilities.

P.S. Sharing with you my new painting from the Uban Sketches course; to draw 20 different trees were quite difficult even for creative person

 

Posted in Psychology, Relations

MAN AND HIS WORLD

Behind every brilliant representative of men there is world created by him.

And if such a world cannot be heard, not seen, not felt? Then either we are absolutely not interested in our partner, or in front of us is not a man, but a boy. I will specify: the child psychologically, in the male form, can exist in seventy years – strictly speaking, this quality does not depend on the age.

Try to ask yourself the question: why some men, we organically relax, feel soft, docile, feminine, and communication with other forces us to turn into a loud bossy and urge them, constantly monitoring every action?

If you want to find a partner for life, then try to see, to find out, to feel the world, the construction of which he is engaged. And only then, when you will feel comfortable inside this world, you can pay attention to his appearance and his wallet.

Strictly speaking, a wise woman chooses not a man, but arrayed him world.It was only when she saw her place, her role in the process she calmly and majestically get into it. Believe me, under these circumstances, the joint life has a chance to become harmonious. Do you know why? Yes, because you will not immediately alter your man under yourself and declare him your conditions!

Man’s loneliness – psychologically not less terrifying phenomenon than a female. Imagine the state of the Builder, who sees that created him with tremendous efforts world is useless: not populated with children, deprived of female love – there is no life … Which emptiness in this case may be in the men’s heart! Look closely, and you will see to what extent these “real and cool” – emotionally vulnerable, in fact, very romantic and they fear such displays within themself! That is it, the duality of man’s nature: the outwardly presented coldness of exploited social masks, and inside, where there is deep, deep, hidden thirst for simple and open cordial relations. Believe me; they are attracted not only to women’s biology, most of the application of this – just bravado! Subconsciously, our satellites feel that it is a loving feminine space can bring to their hard concrete structures and constructions sense, the presence of life. That’s why they need us!
Psychologically, the male way of implementation is very complex, because it forces to go beyond the mental and physical capabilities; it requires a maximum degree of involvement. At the beginning of the life social struggles is perceived as an exciting game, but time passes – one program is replaced by another, the enthusiasm starts to fall, and the vital question popped up in the mind – for whom? And if at this moment there is no family or the woman he loved, the answer yourself is very difficult. Therefore, they, of course, get tired …  Stress relief with sex or alcohol over time seems to be not that effective, and the soul is not going away, demanding its “emotional air.” No matter how they disguised, still this inner duality of man’s nature – the existence of a rigid social force and emotional vulnerability – will not hide. This is, strictly speaking, what is the secret of man’s desire to be next to their women. Letting us into their world, men, of course, hope that it is not supposed betrayals, the bases, frank bargaining in relations.
And the final conclusion: if a number of men and women over the years do not get tired of each other to show attention and trepidation to this creative partnership, it means that they are aware of transforming the meaning of their work together. “By helping to uncover the other, in fact, you reveal yourself” – it’s not even a secret, and the great law of love.

Posted in Psychology

Top 3 NOT to DO

If you’re a fan of lists and you manage to benefit from them, I offer you a list of things NOT to do.

1. Live in the past

Of course, the past is an important part of our experience. The mistakes that we made, we are taught to be stronger and not repeat them, but it is important not to focus on them. Learn to forgive: myself and others. If you have done something wrong, do not gnaw yourself the rest of life, and take a look at the situation as an opportunity to fix it and learn something in the process. If someone else made a mistake, do not fall on him the full power of your criticism and caustic wit: this is your chance to show generosity, kindness and understanding. Do not miss it.

2. Wait for the perfect moment

The ideal moment will never come. Perfect moment does not exist. Instead of waiting for a mysterious set of circumstances, go ahead, risk. And even if you are not confident in the success (and no one is sure of success when trying something new), you can always be sure that no one will prevent you to try again. Stop waiting for: you will lose much less than afraid to lose, and will gain far more than you dare to hope.

3.To gossip

It’s not worth it. If you are all discussed what Ivanov doing there, why not discuss it all with Ivanov, not behind him? Ah, “you are not in a position to talk to him?” So maybe, if at all you do not need to rant about his person? Take this time productive and meaningful conversation instead.