One day my friend asked her new boyfriend: “Why at the beginning of the relationship everything is fine – everything is interesting in each other, amazing and every moment we feel as if time stops? And then it goes somewhere. “
“Well, it’s like a movie, – said boyfriend. – First, you watch trailer: all the coolest moments of the movie in two minutes. And than movie starts. “This repartee accurately reflects one of the mechanisms of our brain. New experiences – these are new neural connections. Their creation requires energy. Therefore, our brain being the most energy-consuming organ of the body, in the course of evolution has learned to go into autopilot mode. In practice, this means that when choosing between being notice somethin new or remain a prisoner of the old habits, the brain chooses automatism. And it shows us a movie about our partner or child over and over again.
According to social psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, we subjectively perceive love as proximity micromoments that we consciously share with each other. These are the moments when we are really witnessing in the present, directing it all our attention – and therefore every moment seems so alive. The first months of the affair, the appearance of the baby in the family, moving, and meet new people – first the novelty of the experience makes us very careful. But over time, the freshness is lost, because we are losing these micromoments, go to the autopilot mode and lose ourselves.