When we fall in love with someone, it seems that our choice – perfect.
He appears in our eyes as the most attractive, clever, cheerful. And further, if the feelings are mutual, relations are on the rise: we aim to become one, forgetting about borders and ignore the point of mismatch.
But time passes, and the focus is changing: differences in tastes and views have become increasingly prominent, and what seemed like a cute fad, starts to irritate. And this is where many people make the mistake – take partner’s originality as a sign of his “otherness” and with a sigh, go in search of a more suitable one. But with the other partner the same thing happen, etc.
Psychologist Marcel Zentner and his colleagues from the University of Geneva have studied about 500 couples on the compatibility and found no specific combinations of personality traits that determine the durability of the union – with one exception: the ability to maintain “positive illusions”.
Men and women, which after the first years of marriage continued to believe that their partner is ideal for them in almost all aspects, not only remained together until old age, but were pleased with each other. Of course, this does not mean that we should turn a blind eye to misconduct spouse. But excessive criticality (under the guise of objectivity, candor, or even care about the other) in the end threatens to turn into loneliness and disappointment in others.