At the fifth season of the popular sitcom “How I Met Your Mother” was an episode with a distinctive name – “Eagle Eye”.
Throughout the series the characters share stories about how being in love with someone, stay for the objects of their sighs only fallback.
They did not say a firm “no”: in every story in every way repeated one and the same universal phrase: “I can not be with you … at the moment.”
The series, of course, hilariously funny, but with this kind of stories, though not in such an exaggerated form, encountered lot of us. And certainly confirm that actually is to remain a “fallback”, there is nothing more fun.
Recently, this phenomenon is attracting more attention of psychologists and has even won a special term “backburning” (from the English put on the back burner – procrastinate, keep in reserve).
Why do we consist of a romantic relationship, and at the same time gently reassuring some more fans, even if we don’t have claims to the relationship we are in?
Psychologists nod to evolution, which requires all homo sapiensto remain constant (and not always conscious) finding the best partner – to convey to future generations the most miraculous set of genes.
But, on the other hand, the same evolution requires – and women especially – to take care of maintaining the existing relationships: in order to ensure and protect the progeny, to which is precious genes have already been transferred. Against “backburning” shows and popular today “investment model” of relations, which was developed by social psychologist Caryl Rusbult. The gist of it is that we have invested in terms of energy, time, and finances are also being considered as an investment.
And the worse they are, the less we are inclined to expose to risk the relationship and look for replacement options.